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Sunday, January 29, 2012

Vows

Priest: Through all good in bad, through the yelling and fighting, through having things thrown at ones head and/or being strangled with the hair-dryer chord, do you, Romeo, take Juliet as your lawfully wedded wife?

Romeo: I do. I am a boat, and she my sail. Guided by the winds of love. She is my everything and nothing all at once because if we were ever to be apart, I would have exactly nothing. But more all of that, more than her loving nature and pure soul, above all else, she is one fine piece pf white meat. Seriously Juliet, I quote from my number one role-model when I say: "I am burning up, burning up, for you, baby." And even those words from Nick Jonas, singer in a popular boy-band and player of the guitar, keyboard, and drums, do not do you justice.

Priest: Do you Juliet, through the sea's of smelly socks, through the loads upon loads of dirty laundry, through the days on end of back-talk, football, and reeking bar-buddies eating all your chips, take Romeo as your lawfully wedded husband?

Juliet: I do, but Romeo, your a sap. Still it turns out, I happen to like white, nerdy, sixteen year-old boys who use metaphors way too frequently and have an inexplicable urge to fall in and out of love more than a sky-diver from a plane. And even though I am way out of your league and your not a very good kisser, I love you and you are the only person I would want to spend my life with. Well, that is, besides Bradly Cooper or Patrick Dempsey, but can you blame me?

Romeo: Wow, Juliet. Tell me how you feel.

Juliet: Romeo, you quoted a seveteen year-old pop singer that won't even exist for another couple centuries, don't even start with me.

Romeo: Touche`.

Priest: By the powers vested in me by an old chinese lady on a street corner selling teeth, I pronounce you husband and wife.

1 comment:

  1. This is pretty creative. You should have performed it!

    ReplyDelete